Say I Won't

In November of 2021, I was away from home doing volunteer work when my phone beeped, alerting me to a new message. It was Tuesday, which meant the Regent University newsletter was out. I took a lunch break and, over two slices of cinnamon bread and a bag of oyster crackers, I read through the email. I skimmed quickly through the majority of the photos and announcements, but then a section of the newsletter seemed to fairly jump out at me, and my heart skipped a beat. The section was titled Tutor Interest Meeting, followed by this description: "If you are a strong writer and passionate about serving other students, come learn how to join the University's tutoring team. We welcome both undergraduate and graduate students as well as both on-campus and online students..." I screenshotted the section and texted it to Mom with the question What do you think? Mom was fully on-board with the idea, and so I signed up to attend the virtual meeting. I wasn't sure if they would be okay with a 17-year-old who was not even yet a full-time student tutoring, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to find out more about the position . . . especially because I knew immediately that with all my heart, I wanted this job. Before and after the meeting, I prayed about it, and God was already working in mysterious, wonderful ways. 

In order to tutor, I had to complete my ENGL 102 class with an A as well as take an 8-week training course. When I went to register for these courses, I encountered unexpected problems. I was told I couldn't take the tutoring training class as an early college program/high school student, and I certainly couldn't take it until I had done ENGL 102. Not ready to give up, I submitted a petition to the university and witnessed God's hand in my life once again when it got accepted. Now not only was I allowed to take the training course as a high school student, but I could also take it alongside ENGL 102. And thus began eight of the most academically challenging weeks of my life as I formatted and wrote papers, posted and responded to dialogue posts with my peers, researched the women's rights movements (for a 12-page research paper that I had less than a week to draft), etc., facing both discouragements and victories along the way. I will be honest and admit that there were a couple times when I wanted to drop one or both courses; when I told myself I couldn't do it; when I complained or wondered if I was wrong, if this wasn't what God had called me to do. And I will also tell you that along the way, I learned a lot. Spiritually and academically. I learned that tutoring isn't like editing in that I can't do the work for the student; I learned how to cite a source in true MLA format, as well as APA and Turabian;  I learned how to write a polished research/argumentative paper; and I learned that to thrive, I need to persevere in Christ's strength alone and do my absolute best with whatever He sets before me to do (have I mentioned that "thrive" is my word for the year?). Philippians 4:6, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God," took on a whole new meaning for me. 

Also during this time, I came across a song that is now my go-to called "Say I Won't" by the contemporary Christian band MercyMe. One of my favorite lines from that song? Keep saying I won't, and I'll keep proving you wrong. Regent originally told me I couldn't take the training course, and I couldn't do it with ENGL 102; but through the strength and provision of God alone, I proved them wrong. I did both courses at the same time and flourished. Around me, adults are saying teenagers can't apply themselves, can't do hard things; but through the strength and provision of God alone, teens can prove them wrong.

Following the completion of these two courses, I applied for the job, and in the next couple of weeks, I got an interview. Two months and several steps into the application process later, I finally received their decision. My family was just loading up into the van after a morning spent strawberry-picking at a local farm. With my hands sticky from berry juice and baby wipes, I pulled out my phone and saw the subject line of a new email: Welcome to the Writing Lab Tutoring Team! To say the least, I was. so. thrilled. I started cheering and hollering, "I got it! I got it!" I played MercyMe's song on the radio as we headed home, listened to the lyrics, and cried as I reflected on all it had taken to get me to this point. God had had His hand in the whole thing, that was for sure, and I had worked so hard, but it was so worth it. I filled out the paperwork and am planning to start tutoring tomorrow. For now I am working 6 hours a week, but I am hoping that as I grow more comfortable in my job, I can do more.

Typing this post out now, I am still in awe. I have a job doing something I absolutely love to do. It's in line with my major and my future career. And I have God alone to thank for it.

Thank you, Jesus, indeed.

Prayers for strength and grace and that I will shine Christ's light in the workplace would be greatly appreciated. And I hope that this post served as a reminder to you that when others tell you that you can't do something hard or important, through God, you can prove them wrong and bring our Savior glory.

I'm gonna run; no, I'm gonna fly.

I'm gonna know what it means to live, and not just be alive. 

Not just surviving,

Ellen S.